Writerly Aspirations

Being a professional writer is considered pretty fantastic. Wanting to become a writer, though, is not. My grandfather once taught a workshop for aspiring writers. In an article published after he died, one of his former students remembered fondly that he started the workshop by saying "if at least one of you stops wanting to become a writer by the end of the course, I will consider it a success."

Now, say you are taking a woodworking class and on the first day, the instructor goes "I'll consider myself to have succeeded if when this ends, y'all stop wanting to make shit out of wood." What would you think of that? I don't even know, because that will not ever happen. If you are a craftsman, wouldn't you want others to share your love of the craft, even if they can't share your craftsmanship? For woodwork, I think the answer is clearly yes, but for writing, it's not so obvious. Even if you don't buy my grandfather's opening statement, still it's true that aspiring writers are held in contempt. Why is this?

Is it that successful writers are snobs, who think they are so much better than their writing peers? Is it that successful writers are jealous of their own success, and resent the possibility of others doing well? Is it that non-writers think (like one of the sisters in Happiness) that they could easily become writers if they'd wanted to, or that writing is dilettantish and just what you do when you're a lazy good-for-nothing? I do not doubt that all these explanations play a part. But I think an important part of the explanation is this: there are no scribes anymore.

The world doesn't need scribes - and hasn't needed them for a long time. Being a scribe isn't even a reasonable hobby. But what would you think of a composer who had never played any music? Isn't trying to be a writer without first apprenticing as a scribe the same thing?

Say that I've Gone Away

When I got nothing to say, I will put Brazilian songs that I tried translating earlier on, okay?

Say that I've Gone Away [Diz que fui por aí (Zé Keti/Hortêncio Rocha)]

If they ask where I've gone today [se alguem perguntar por mim]
Say that I've gone away
And my friend my guitar
has come along

And no matter the way I go [Em qualquer esquina...]
And no matter the place I stay
I'll be out at the bar
I will be singing this song

If they ask if I'm coming back - then tell them: Yes, [Se quiserem saber...]
But not before I give my troubled heart some rest
No, not before I give my troubled heart some rest

I've got my guitar [Tenho meu violao]
I'm good when I try
I've got plenty of friends
I'm a popular guy
I've got the sunrise to bid me good morning

But sadness hits with a start [A saudade me doi]
And it claws at my heart
So I've gone to the slums
So I've gone to the shore
So I've gone away
But I'm still thinking of her

... and here's Nara Leão performing the original... hmm, apparently that video got taken down, so here it is in Fernanda Takai's rendition, instead...

God v. Aliens

There are many things I don't understand. One is why some gays think the right to gay marriage is important. Another is why some non-gays wish to deny them this right. A third is pretty much fucking everything about quantum field theory.

But this post isn't about any of those things. It's about why Intelligent Design advocates don't (at least I never heard of it happening) present Fermi's paradox as an argument for their side. Actually, maybe I do know why: it doesn't in anyway say anything about evolution, the thing that IDers most fervently want to take down. And yet, I would enjoy it if I heard the question

"If there's no God, where are all the aliens?"

I mean, it's not like ID-supporters in the scientific community don't largely have a reputation as lunatics already, so they got nothing to lose. But seriously, I can't think of an answer to that question.

Dear Children's TV Writers: how does 5 bucks sound?

The New York Times notes that a compendium of various studies on the subject published in a report concludes that "use of media" by children correlates very strongly with adverse health effects. Seems relatively straight forward. But how to curb media use? Haranguing people about how watching TV is bad doesn't yield particularly impressive results, plus you run the risk of annoying the fuck out of people, thereby losing all of those unhealthy friends you got. My idea is this: if you're a philanthropist, pay off television writers to write shows that are so bad, no one will want to watch them, thereby leading them to curb their "media use".

Another interesting possibility is that someone is already doing this.

The Satisfaction of a Job Not Done

Every day I look at the world from my window
Upload feito originalmente por frankincense

What if it isn't actually the glow of well-spent effort that gives the satisfaction of a job well done? What if, instead, it's just the relief of not having to do the damn thing anymore? Whatever the task, as we go about completing it, it slowly builds its nest in a corner of our mind, its structure getting more and more complex and netlike. Even though we may be thinking of something completely unrelated, there is the Task again, weaving itself in. Even if we enjoy the Task, who can stand that kind of intrusion? What if the joy of completion is just the ability to throw away that haphazardly constructed web of thoughts that somehow became related to the Task?

Real life doesn't afford us the opportunity to check. After all, even if we just stop doing something, we can't automatically stop thinking about it. A job that's not been done remains a job undone. Well, that's where the beauty of school comes in. Unlike work, if you ain't done by deadline, boy, you might as well forget it. And that's what you do.

And don't it feel good?

Yeah, it do. So there you have it - don't work so hard. The satisfaction of a job well done ain't nothing but a ruse.

Furry Alphabet A-G

Boris Zakhoder should be every Russian-speaking kid's favourite person (unless it's Tove Jansson of course). To us former Russian kids, Peter Pan, Mary Poppins, especially Winnie the Pooh, and even Alice in Wonderland "loses something in the original"... Not only that, but he wrote MOST of the poems I first heard as a kid

Кто носорогу
дорогу
уступит
Тот несомненно разумно поступит

В названиях пород обман - а может произвол
Не так уж добр доберман - хотя не так уж зол

etc. etc... I thought I would try translating some of his "мохнатая азбука" (furry alphabet) into English. Here's the first instalment, A-G

We'll start with the ANTEATER if that's okay
For just like the alphabet, he starts with A

The BRONCO decided he'd be a giraffe
And even though all of the animals laugh
The bronco himself doesn't pay much attention
He has no problems with bucking convention

Why is the COBRA so upset?
It's easy to explain
There's lots of poison in that head
And very little brain

DOGS will often disagree
But they don't need to fight
The loudest "woof"
Can serve as proof
Of your side being right

I started this poem 'bout the EMU
But it's quite hard to continue
I just wish I really knew:
Is it E-mu or e-MU

Tigers and lions are big and impressive
But the little FERRET is much more aggressive
Let's be thankful that at least

It's not a gigantic beast

There is neither rhyme nor reason
To keep a GNU - in any season
For you see, this southern ruminant
Is unfriendly and quite gloominant